Tuesday, January 27, 2009

And that is how the fight started...

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************************

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied "Dust". And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And that's how the fight started.....


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************************

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' And that's how the fight started.... ************************************************************************

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.' And that's how the fight started.... ***********************************************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My Goodness!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started..... **************************************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight started.....

Friday, January 23, 2009

Coming to your neighborhood soon...

A young inventor has created a motorbike with a twist - it uses two wheels but they are positioned right next to each other, giving it the illusion of being a powered unicycle. And even better, it might help save the planet. Ben Gulak has spent several years building the electric Uno that uses gyroscopic technology - like the infamous Segway commuter device - to stay upright. The bizarre-looking contraption has only one switch - on or off - and is controlled entirely by body movement. The rider leans forwards to accelerate to speeds of 25mph and back to slow down. It has two wheels side-by-side and has been turning heads wherever it has been ridden.

Ben Gulak designed the Uno himself with the help of a simple 3D programThe green machine is so small and light it can be taken indoors and carried into lifts - and is recharged by being plugged into the mains.The wheels are completely independent, allowing the bike to turn on a sixpence and the technology takes the balance and guesswork out of riding a unicycle.Its 18-year-old creator is now looking for investors to get the Uno into production and onto the streets.Ben, from Ontario, Canada, said: 'I was inspired to make the bike after visiting China a few years ago and seeing all the smog. 'They all drive little bikes that are really polluting and I wanted to make something to combat that. 'I started with the concept because if something doesn't look cool people just won't be interested.The Uno works like a Segway - just tilt your body forward to start movingBen Gulak turns heads from onlookers as he rides past them.'After coming up with the concept I started to build it and now have the first prototype and the reaction has been amazing. 'It has two wheels side by side and that means it is easier to turn as they are completely independent and have their own suspension. 'The bike has a 'neutral point' and when you lean forward it accelerates to keep the neutral point in the right place. 'It has a couple of gyros and is basically self-balancing - it takes the guesswork out of riding a unicycle.

'The bike takes a bit of getting used to because you have to learn to trust it. But it doesn't take long. 'It takes any weight and weighs 120 lbs and can fit into a lift so you can take it indoors to charge it up. 'Currently it has a top speed of 25mph, but that will be increased greatly with bigger motors. 'It has a range of about 2.5 hours and it is designed for the commute to work through busy towns. I believe this could be electrical alternative to the car. I'm just looking for an investor to help me get it into production."

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I got a Riddle...

Yes, that is a quote from Tin Cup. No, this is not the same riddle. Here it is...

What do these words have in common?

1. Banana

2. Dresser

3. Grammar

4. Potato

5. Revive

6. Uneven

7. Assess

Good Luck!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Murder in the Second Degree

I was driving home from work listening to the radio last week. Usually, on the ride home, I listen to sports talk radio to catch up on what is going on with local sports. On this occasion, I was tuned in to 92.3, KTAR FM. Not a good idea in the P.M. The A.M. broadcast is mostly listenable, but in the afternoon is filled with stories that provoke emotion. This day was a shining example. Here is the story:

A divorced man from Idaho was driving his two children over to his ex-wife's home on Christmas day. There had been a blizzard that had covered the ground with knee deep snow. On the way, the car got stuck in the snow. Realizing that it would take significant time to dig the car free, he sent his 11 year old daughter and his 10 year old son on their way to hike the 10 miles to their moms house. Yes, in the snow. Yes, 10 miles. They were dressed only in pajamas and a coat. So, the children, being obedient to the father (I use that term loosely at this point), headed down the road to their mom's house. After the father dug the car out, he headed home. He assumed that the children had made it to their destination. Worried about the children and not seeing the children or receiving a call , the mom called the father to find out why he had not delivered the children as promised. When they (really the father) realized the children had not made it, they called the police. Police later found the boy in a rest stop bathroom about 2.5 miles from where the car had been stuck in the snow. He was suffering from hypothermia and had stripped down to his long underwear. Apparently, the two kids had gotten into an argument about whether or not to turn back. The daughter has decided she would go back, the boy did not think they should. Police found the girl about a half a mile down the road, headed back to find her father, dead.

Police have arrested the father on second degree murder: a killing caused by dangerous conduct and the offender's obvious lack of concern for human life. Possible punishment is life in jail.

This story is so sad. It makes me angry that the father was so irresponsible. All of me feels he needs to pay for his actions, but I can't decide if Murder in the Second Degree is really appropriate. Clearly, what he did fits the law. There isn't a law that punishes people for bad decisions until harm is caused. Is it reasonable to think those children could have hiked the 10 miles? What if there had been no snow. Would that make it OK? What if it was summer and not winter? Is that acceptable? How could he just go home and not follow up? By all accounts, this is a sane, reasonable adult. In this case, his negligence (stupidity) took a life. A life that trusted in him to protect against harm. That is a pretty harsh punishment in its self. But is it enough?