Two golfers met at the club. "I heard about your terrible tragedy last week," said one.
"Yes," said the other sadly, sipping his drink. "I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, and he dropped dead on the ninth hole."
"I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too," the first man said sympathetically. "That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds."
"The carrying wasn't that hard. It was putting him down at every stroke, then picking him up again that wore me out."
“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it and if it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.”
I had a chance to go out to lunch on Monday. I was in the mood for wings, so naturally, Hooters came to mind. After the jokes were told and the typical slams were discussed by me and my wife, I remembered seeing an add on Facebook for Buffalo Wild Wings. I went to the internet and found a location near me! Imagine that! Right around the corner! Well, almost. Walking into the place was amazing. The staff was courtious and seemed happy to see me. The server, dressed modestly in black, asked how my day was going and asked if I had ever been here before. I admitted i was a vir...umm, this was my first time. As she walked me to the table, she took a moment to explain the place. After sitting down, I was in guy heaven. Wall to wall TV's. Every sports channel on at the same time. TV's ranging fron medium size to at least 150". It was a fun atmosphere. The service was pretty good. The waiter was informative, friendly, and seemed happy to be there. My drink was never even close to hitting the bottom. Food was served quickly and hot. I even ordered at the end of the meal a to go order. It was at the table in record time. The wings were delicious. The dipping sauce was delicious. The french fries were..well delicious. The price? Moderate. Not cheap, but not expensve either. $7.99 gets you the picture you see above. I would recommend the place. The only issue I had was thet have 18 different flavors of wings. How do you choose?
What do you get when you combine old vegetables, moldy fruit, pine needles, leaves, grass clippings potato peelings, unpaid bills (and paid), stale bread, egg shells, grapefruit rinds, oranges, old pasta, grapes, flowers, moldy cheese, apple cores,watermelon rinds, peanut shells, banana peels, old salad, burnt oatmeal (sorry H), vacuum cleaner bag contents, old beer (just kidding)?
Why, the best mulch you could ever want !
This post is dedicated to the Sauer's who gave us the wisdom to compost and the Draney's, who lent us their chickens to help with the cockroach infestation (yes, it was bad, I learned it was normal, and moved on). H and I look forward to a very productive garden !
Why am I so approachable? Why is it a done deal whenever there is anyone at a Circle K, they will almost bull rush me to ask for "help?" I am not a tall individual, but nor am I considered small. I get out of my car, walk with a purpose, get inside, and then I am doomed. How can I get to my car and avoid being hit up? Tonight, I pull up to the store and there is a young kid (20ish), hanging outside the far side of the door. I see him. I get out, walk quickly to the store, never looking in that direction, not even looking up, definitely not acknowledging his presence. I get my stuff, get in the slow lane (OK, there was only one lane, but the guy in front of me is arguing about the change he did/did not get, I always get behind this guy), finally get to pay, and head out the door. I walk with authority to my car. Of course, the guy just hanging out has now positioned himself on this side of the door, between the store and my car. I go wide, walking in the parking lot, hoping I can just get in my car and go. My keys are out and ready to go. To no avail, of course. The guy, in his most desperate voice, walks towards me and utters, "Hey buddy, can you help me out?" Now, I have made every attempt to seem like the guy you do not ask. It is obvious that I have gone out of the way to avoid all contact. But without fail, they ask. Now I know, I can just say no. And sometimes I do, but usually I am willing. How do they know that? It's not like they would see me and know that I always say no and t hen know not to ask.
Charity-minded callers are getting intercepted by a sex phone line because of a misprint on Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco's namesake cereal boxes.
Because of a wrong toll-free prefix for a number listed on Ochocinco's cereal, callers are directed to a phone sex line instead of a children's charity.
The phone number is supposed to connect callers to Feed the Children, which benefits from sales of "Ochocinco's". But because the box has the wrong toll-free prefix, they get a seductive-sounding woman who makes risque suggestions and then asks for a credit card number.
Cincinnati-based Kroger Co. said Thursday it was pulling all Ochocinco cereal boxes from its grocery shelves because of the error. Some local stores had them on special display after the launch about a month ago.
Pittsburgh-based PLB Sports Inc., which specializes in limited-edition products featuring star athletes and their favorite charities, apologized for the error in a statement Thursday. The statement said the boxes will be re-issued with the correct toll-free number.
Ochocinco told WCPO-TV that the number was clearly a mistake and he's sure that the maker will fix the problem.
As of Thursday afternoon, he hadn't mentioned the error in any of his frequent messages on the Twitter social media site. On Wednesday, he had urged fans to go to his website to order the cereal and "Start your day with a lil suga!!!"
Tara Sands of Reading, Ohio, told WCPO-TV and the Cincinnati Enquirer that her family called the number on the box hoping to learn more about the charity.
"We don't need anything to give our Bengals a bad name, especially Chad," Sand told WCPO. "He's obviously trying to do something great by doing this [for] 'Feed The Children.'
The Arizona Diamondbacks have set a dubious record: most strikeouts by batters in a season.
Arizona reached 1,400 strikeouts in the sixth inning of Tuesday's game against Colorado when Adam LaRoche swung through strike three against Rockies left-hander Jorge De La Rosa. Milwaukee set the previous record of 1,399 in 2001.
If you do the math, the D-Backs are on pace to finish with over 1,500 this season. They have averaged almost 10 K's per game! That is over 1 strikeout every single inning. That leaves 2/3's of the outs playable. No wonder they have lost 91 games ( to only 60 wins) and have the third worst record in baseball.
Third baseman Mark Reynolds has been Arizona's most frequent whiffer this season with 201, 22 short of the record he set last year. If he is lucky, he will not surpass that record.
As far as attendance goes, Chase Field has a listed capacity of 48,500. They have sold out one game, the night Louis Gonzales had his number retired. The average has only been 24,718 and the season low (also franchise low) is 15,509. This ranks 21st out of 30 in the league. The best? The Yankees of course, at 46,354. The worst? The Cleveland Indians at 17,418.
Now you know how bad they really are...not the worst, but bad!
New Moon is the 2009 second edition of the Twilight Saga films based on author Stephanie Meyer's 2006 novel of the same name. Each actor whose character is a member of the "wolfpack" had to have papers proving his Native American decent. For example, Chaske Spencer (Sam Uley) is Lakota (Sioux). What Native American decent is actor Tyson Houseman (Quil Ateara), who was discovered at an open casting call? (Enter in the LETTER of the corresponding answer)
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but he needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"
Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart is being shopped around as he has presumably lost his starting job to Derek Anderson. Experts say Leinart is the biggest disappointment to come out of southern California since the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.
Leinart, the 10th pick in the first round by the Cardinals in 2006, never lived up to the hype he generated at USC. Luckily for Leinart though, he can never be the most infamous player to come from USC. That is, unless he murders his ex-wife and her boyfriend.
Leinart is upset at losing his starter's role and does not feel he was given a fair shot this preseason. Leinart says he was rushed and had no protection, ironically the same two reasons why he had a kid out of wedlock
In anticipation of the season-opener against the New England Patriots on Sept. 12 at Gillette Stadium, Ochocinco is already planning his touchdown celebration. "If I am able to score Week 1 in New England, I will be taking the Minutemen rifle and firing as they do when the Pats score," he wrote on Twitter. This came as great news to Commissioner Roger Goodell, because if there is one image the NFL is hoping to cultivate its PLAYERS AND GUNS.
Manny Ramirez was put on waivers and claimed by the Chicago White Sox. Ramirez said he is looking forward to playing in Chicago as he has "always been a fan of Canada."
Former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett has signed with the UFL. And in future news, the UFL has been robbed and assaulted
I saved the best one for last...
BYU is going independent in football after all. BYU says it is leaving the Mountain West Conference and will go independent in football while joining the West Coast Conference in all other sports in the 2011-2012 school year. Originally, the WCC did not want BYU to join, but were worn down when BYU representatives kept riding their bikes to WCC officials' houses every weekend to ask to speak with them.
In the 1989 movie sequel The Gods Must Be Crazy II, Xixo is trying to find his lost children after they are taken for in involuntary ride when they climb into the back of a water tank trailer passing through the area where Xixo's tribe lives. The two men are animal poachers. What specific animal are the men poaching?
If your ship fills with water and sinks, does it flounder or founder?
How to remember it:
When something founders, it loses its foundation. (Founder and foundation have the same root.) To founder is to collapse, sink, or fail. One source of confusion here is that the meaning of the verb flounder is similar: to flounder is to struggle to move or get one's footing, or to proceed or act clumsily or ineffectually. People can flounder, but ships founder.
Does the average American family have less than two kids or fewer than two kids?
How to Remember It:
Fewer refers to things that can be counted (fewer kids, fewer chairs). Less usually refers to quantities of things that can't be counted (less coffee, less agitation). However, under certain circumstances less, not fewer, is more commonly used with countable things. For example: Less than twenty miles, less than five dollars, and 1500 words or less, are considered standard. As for the express lane at the supermarket, "ten items or fewer" follows the general rule, but "ten items or less" is also widely accepted and more often used.
When you're attentively studying, are you poring over or pouring over the materials?
How to Remember It:
One reason this word trips us up is that both pour and pore are often followed by over. But in this case it probably helps to think literally. When we're intently studying something, nothing is actually pouring (i.e. flowing, leaking) onto the object of study; in fact, if something did pour onto what you're poring over, your task would be far more difficult. The less familiar verb pore is correct. (Pore actually has the same root as pour, but of course that only adds to the confusion.)
The car won't start because its battery, or it's battery, is dead?
How to Remember It:
The word it's means "it is" or "it has," while its means "belonging to it." In the sentence above, "it is battery" or "it has battery" doesn't work – so the correct version has to be its. Similarly, in the sign shown here, "it is/has accessories" and "it is/has enclosure" don't make sense, so it's wasn't the right choice.
If you're getting shot at by antiaircraft guns, or receiving unfriendly criticism, are you taking flak or flack?
How to Remember It:
Although flack is an established variant, the more foreign-looking flak is the original spelling and the better choice. Flak was originally a German acronym for fliegerabwehrkanonen – from FLieger ("flyer") + Abwehr ("defense") + Kanonen ("cannons") – which basically means "antiaircraft gun." That use of flak in English dates back to 1938. In the decades after the war it took on its civilian meaning of "criticism." (A flack, meanwhile, is a PR agent or someone who provides publicity.)
Do you buy your writing paper in a store that sells stationary or stationery?
How to Remember It:
For one, consider the histories of these words. Stationery comes from stationer, a word that in the 14th century referred to someone who sold books and papers. What the stationer sold eventually came to be referred to by the noun stationery ("materials for writing or typing" and "letter paper usually accompanied with matching envelopes"). Meanwhile, the adjective stationary has always been used to describe what is fixed, immobile, or static. Here's another way to remember it: stationery is spelled with an "e," like the envelopes that often come with it.
If you receive an appropriate punishment, did you get your just deserts or just desserts?
Answer: just deserts
How to Remember It:
This word is unrelated to deserts of the sand and cactus kind, and it isn't about the desserts that provide a sweet finish to a meal. Instead, this deserts comes from the same word that gave us deserve. (Oddly, it's pronounced like desserts.)
The simplest distinction is that affect is almost always a verb, and effect is usually a noun. It may help to remember that the verb – the "action word" – starts with "a": affect is an action. These words are frequently confused, partly because their meanings are related.
If you treat convention with disdain, are you flouting or flaunting the rules?
How to Remember It:
Think of whistling – or actually playing the flute – instead of doing what's expected.
Why? Because flout probably originates in the Middle English word flouten, "to play the flute." It's not clear how a word for playing the flute evolved into a synonym of mock and insult (the original meaning of flout), but here's a guess: in the hands of some entertainers, the flute can project a teasing, even mocking, carefree air.
Perspire derives from the Latin spirare, "to blow" – suggesting vapors released by the body. It emerged in the 1600s as a gentler alternative to the much older word sweat.
To some, perspire sounds more refined; to others, it seems a bit precious. As one London magazine reported in 1791,
"It is well known that, for some time past, neither man, woman, nor child, in Great Britain or Ireland, of any rank or fashion, has been subject to that gross kind of exsudation which was formerly known by the name of sweat; and that now every mortal, except carters [and] coal-heavers... merely perspires." (The Gentleman's Magazine, Volume 70)